


Quarantined

by EmilyWeaslette



Category: Captain America (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Iron Man (Movies), MCU, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avenger's Tower, But so is everyone else, Chairs, Corona Virus - Freeform, Drinking, Flash is a jerk, GUYS, I think they all have, Identity Revealed, Ned Leeds is a bad liar, Ned Leeds means well, Ned saves the day, Party, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Peter Parker is a Mess, Peter Parker is an idiot, Peter Parker is losing his mind, Peter gets drunk, Peter's naive, Tony is nice, Underage Drinking, and Clint's gone a little crazy, but he means well, group chats, lockdown - Freeform, look up octopus chair, maze, oneshots, quarantined, seriously, so is literally everyone else, so many chairs, there is some weird shit out in the world, web-cave, webs, weird smoothie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:14:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23338960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmilyWeaslette/pseuds/EmilyWeaslette
Summary: A collection of oneshots, inspired by all of you!
Relationships: Harry Potter & Hermione Granger, Harry Potter & Ron Weasley, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Avengers Team, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 25
Kudos: 103





	1. Intro

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Stuck at home - collection](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23295352) by [Bergen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bergen/pseuds/Bergen). 



Hey all! Emily here! So I'm sure we're all bored as hell while the whole world is under quarantine from the corona virus; I know I sure am. As such, I am taking after one of my favourite authors on this site, @Bergen, and I have decided to create a book that is entirely decided by you guys! I have a ton of free time, so comment a short story you want to see, and I will write it! Hopefully this will give me something fun to write, and give you something fun to read! Please give me your wants and needs; anything you desire is fair game, unless it includes anything inappropriate (underage sex, anything pornographic, etc). And it needs to be in the MCU or Harry Potter universes. So... have at it! I look forward to receiving your requests! 


	2. They Don't Know that I Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Midtown knows Peter's Spider-Man, Peter knows they have a group chat, and everyone knows that Ned is really bad at lying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt from JuSt_AnOth3r_N3rd

“Ugh, Ned,  _ stop _ !” Peter groans from his place on the ceiling. 

Tony looks up at him. “What’s up, kid? Trouble in nerdland?” 

“What?” Peter looks down at him. “No, no, everything’s fine. Ned’s just trying to convince my class that I just have a  _ really _ bad immune system. He’s currently using the excuse  _ explosive diarrhea _ , which, you know, he means well, but I’d rather have everyone think I’m Spider-Man.” 

“Hold up,  _ what _ ?” Tony exclaims. “Does your class suspect anything?” 

“Oh, they don’t suspect anything,” Peter drops down to the floor, and sits in a chair next to Tony’s desk. “They know everything. They’ve put it all in a group chat, which is literally called ‘Peter Gossip’, which, first of all, rude, and second of all, they included Ned in it, which was a bad idea, because they also know that he knows, and he keeps coming up with these lame excuses about where I go all the time. And he’s really not good at it.” 

“How do you know they made a group chat about you?” Tony asks, baffled. “Did they include  _ you _ in it?” 

“Of course not, they’re not  _ that _ stupid,” Peter scoffs. “I hacked them. It was surprisingly easy to do, which is a little concerning, because I go to a school full of science nerds and they may have found out by hacking mine and Ned’s chat about Spider-Man.” 

“Can you back up, please?” Tony sets down the tools he was holding, and turns to face Peter. “What exactly is going on here?” 

“My class knows that I’m Spider-Man,” Peter explains slowly. “And they made a group chat about it. They, however, don’t know that I know that they know, and I would prefer to keep it that way, because if they know that I know that they know, they’ll all want to talk about it, and usually, people just want to talk about the traumatic stuff.” 

Tony can’t argue with that. All anyone ever wants to talk to him about is Afghanistan. Or New York. Or Sokovia. 

“I really don’t want to talk about all that stuff,” Peter continues. “So, I just hacked their group chat to see what they’re saying about me, because some of it is really funny. For a while they thought I was either a male escort, or a prostitute, and they talked about it  _ a lot _ . You’d think they’d have something better to do with their time, but I guess they don’t, because there’s at least one person on there sending memes and jokes and shit about it 24/7.” 

“Where did they get the idea that you’re a prostitute?” Tony asks, once again baffled. “You’re, like, the most innocent kid I know.” 

“That is… not true,” Peter says, looking uncomfortable for a second, before he continues. “And I guess they thought that May and I got really desperate or something, and that I was trying to help her pay for stuff.” 

“Why would they know if you and May got really desperate?” Tony asks. “Not that I’d ever let that happen, by the way,” he adds, pointing threateningly at Peter. 

“I mean, they all know I’m at Midtown on a scholarship,” Peter shrugs. “And I guess that was the first place their minds went? Keep in mind this is a class full of teenagers.” 

“Okay,” Tony breathes, turning back to his work. “Remind me to never talk to teenagers.” 

“I mean, you already failed at that one, but go off, I guess.” 

-{}-{}-{}-

“Have you seen Peter?” MJ demands, corning Ned at his locker. “I haven’t seen him all day, and I swear if he’s not at practice today, I’m going to kill him.” 

“Oh, he’s home, uh, sick,” Ned lies feebly.

“What happened this time?” MJ sighs. “Did he get shot again?” 

“Shot?” Ned squeaks. “No! No way, why would you think that? He’s just, uh, got a really bad stomach flu. I mean, he’s been… throwing up, and, uh, coughing, and…” 

“Give it up, Ned,” MJ rolls her eyes. “I guess I’ll just check the news to see what happened. Let him know I’ll bring his English homework by later, okay?” 

“I mean, I definitely don’t know what you’re talking about, but okay,” Ned shrugs, trying to act nonchalant and failing spectacularly. 

“Ned, please, don’t insult me,” MJ snaps. “Flash and his goonies may only half know what they’re talking about, but Betty and I  _ know what’s going on _ . And, in case you’re wondering, we know that he knows that we know. He’s not exactly subtle about hacking things; he just doesn’t want us to ask him about it, which sure, we’ll respect his privacy. He has saved our lives multiple times, so the least we can do is let him think he’s sneaky. You, on the other hand, I’m allowed to talk to about this, so if you could stop insulting Betty and mine’s intelligence, that would be great. Now, this conversation never happened, got it? We can’t let Peter know that we know that he knows that we know. I was never here.” 

MJ walks away, leaving Ned standing, open-mouthed, by his locker. 

“What the fuck just happened?” he muttered. 

-{}-{}-{}-

“Dude, I think MJ and Betty know you’re Spider-Man. Maybe the rest of the class, too, but I’m pretty sure those two know for sure,” Ned informs Peter. 

Peter, who’s working on his web fluid, looks up at Ned. “Did she talk to you about it?” 

“Um, sort of?” Ned shrugs. “She said something about knowing that you know that you know that they know… something like that. It didn’t make a whole lot of sense, but there was a lot of talk about who knows what. And respecting privacy.” 

“Well…” Peter hesitates. “At least they don’t know that I know.” 

“I’m pretty sure they do,” Ned says uncertainly. “She said something about you not being subtle while you’re hacking things, and letting you think you’re sneaky.” 

“Shit,” Peter turns back to his web fluid, completely unconcerned. “Well, at least they don’t know that I know that they know that I know that they know. Which means they probably won’t talk to me about it, which is good. Now, this conversation never happened, okay? Right now, they don’t know that I know that they know that I know that they know, but if you say anything about this conversation, they will know that I know that they know that I know that they know, and we can’t let them know, okay? Okay. I’ll be right back, I left my carbon in my room…” 

“I am so confused right now,” Ned sighs dramatically. 

-{}-{}-{}-

“I texted MJ,” Ned announces, as soon as Peter enters his room. 

“Good for you?” Peter says questioningly. “When did you even get her number?” 

“Oh, I didn’t,” Ned informs him. “I guess I should say,  _ you _ texted MJ. You told her you’re Spider-Man and asked her on a date. You’re supposed to pick her up in half an hour, to take her swinging around New York, and then you’re going to dinner. Mr. Stark already put the money on your card. You should hurry.” 

“Ned, what the hell?” Peter gives him a slightly confused, more-than-slightly infuriated look. “How’d you even do that?” 

“I hacked your phone,” Ned shrugs. “You were both being really confusing and I was sick of it, and you’ve both been beating around the bush about liking each other for a really long time, which I was also sick of. So I took matters into my own hands. You really should hurry, though, you’re gonna be late. I’ll tell my mom that you got sick and had to go home.” 

“Ned, stop telling people I’m sick, think of a different excuse,” Peter says, still staring at him bemusedly. “And… see you later, I guess?” 

He sprints out of the room. 

“Tell me everything after!” Ned shouts after him, before sitting on his bed, opening his phone, and grinning. “They all think they’re smarter than me,” he laughs, typing something on his phone. 

He tosses his phone onto the bed, stands up, and leaves the room. His message to the group chat  _ Team Meter  _ gets instant replies;

**GuyintheChair: Guess what, guys! I got Peter and MJ together!**

**TheFlash: Finally. They were getting really annoying during Decathlon.**

**BettyBrush: MJ just texted me about it; seems like it’s going well!**


	3. Spiders can still get drunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Peter is naive, Ned saves the day, and Flash is a dick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt from PeterrrTingleee

“Sir?” Friday breaks through Tony’s thoughts. “You have an incoming call from Peter Parker.” 

“Peter?” Tony looks up. “Put it through, Fri!” 

There’s silence for a moment, and then Peter’s voice comes through. 

“Hey, Mr. Stark!” he giggles, his voice slurring a bit. “I’m um… I’m at a… a really loud place, and Ned says I should call you… I dunno why, though, I’m fine, I’m having a lot of… of fun!” 

“Kid?” Tony’s alarmed now. “Peter, where are you?” 

“I’m at… I’m at Flash’s house, I think?” Peter says. “Ned was here, he said… he said he was going to get water, but… you know, Flash is actually really nice? He invited me here, and he kept giving me things, and he’s just been… he’s been a really nice dude this whole time.” 

“Peter?” Ned’s voice filters in around Peter’s giggling, and background noise that Tony can now identify as a teenage party. “Peter, I told you to wait for me! Give me the phone, Peter, give me-” 

There’s some rustling, indignant noises from Peter, and then Ned’s voice, louder this time. 

“Mr. Stark? This is Peter’s friend, Ned?” 

“Yeah, I know who you are, what’s going on?” Tony asks, calling a suit to him. “Is Peter… is Peter  _ drunk _ ?” 

“I think so…” Ned sounds uncertain. “I don’t know what he drank, because he kept telling me he can’t get drunk, but… I mean, he seems pretty drunk to me…” 

“I’m tracking this call, Ned, I’m coming,” Tony says. “Do I need to come in a suit, or do I have time to drive?” 

“Oh, he’s fine, I’ve finally found him, I won’t let him have anything else,” Ned assures him. “I just… I was supposed to be at his house tonight, we have movie nights on Fridays, but when I got there May said she thought he was with me, and I put a tracker in his phone because sometimes I get worried he’ll get kidnapped or something, so I checked that and it said he was at Flash’s house, and when I got here Flash was handing him a cup, but I saw him put something in it, but Peter was already completely gone. I yelled at Flash, drew a lot of attention, but we’re out front right now. So yeah, he’s fine, you can drive.” 

“Okay, Ned, I’ll be there in ten minutes,” Tony, who had gotten into the car while Ned was speaking, pulls out of the garage and speeds down the road. “Don’t leave him alone, don’t let him move, and don’t let him drink anything else, okay? I’ll be there soon.” 

“Okay, Mr. Stark,” Ned agrees. “I guess we’ll… see you when you get here.” 

“I’m on my way,” Tony says again, before ending the call. “Shit, kid, what’ve you gotten yourself into this time?” he mutters, as he presses harder on the gas pedal.

-{}-{}-{}-

Tony pulls up in front of a house with loud music blaring, lights flashing, and tons of teenagers in and around the house. Ned stands up immediately, and drags Peter to his feet, too. 

“Kid,” Tony sighs, seeing Peter’s unfocused eyes and stumbling gait. 

“Hey, Mr. Stark!” Peter exclaims. “Ned said you were coming, but I didn’t think you were… woah…” 

Peter stumbles, and Tony catches him just before he tips over. 

“What have you been doing, Peter?” Tony mutters. 

“I just… I just went to Flash’s party, Mr. Stark,” Peter mumbles. “And I drank some… juice…” 

“Yeah, you had more than  _ juice _ , kid,” Tony rolls his eyes. “Come on, get in the car, we’ll discuss this at home.” 

“Mr. Stark?” Ned asks quietly, as Tony buckles Peter into the car. “Don’t be… I mean, don’t let May be too hard on him, alright? They’d put a bunch of vodka or something in all the sodas and juices, so Peter probably actually thought it was just some weird soda. Flash is just… Flash is a dick, and he probably wanted to get Peter drunk so he and his friends could make a fool out of him or something.” 

Tony sighs. “Okay, kid. Thanks for taking care of him. Do you need a ride?” 

“Oh, no, my mom will be here any second,” Ned says. “I called her as soon as I got here and found Peter. Thank you, though.” 

“No problem. Thank  _ you _ ,” Tony says again. “I’ll have Peter call you as soon as he’s… sober.” 

“Alright,” Ned steps back. “Thank you.” 

Tony nods at him, and pulls away from the house. 

“You, uh, really didn’t need to come, Mr. Stark,” Peter slurs from the back seat. “I was… I was fine. I’m not… I swear I’m not  _ drunk _ or anything, I just drank some… some Sprite, I think. Weird Sprite. But it was only soda, I’m… I’m fine…” 

Peter dozes off, leaving his sentence unfinished. Tony sighs. 

“You’re gonna be the death of me, kid.” 

Peter would have a massive headache the next morning, and probably feel like trash for a while after, but at least he wasn’t drunk and at the mercy of Flash and his goons. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if I got drunkenness totally wrong or anything. I've never been drunk, and I've never seen anybody who is drunk, so I was really just kind of basing this on other fanfictions I've seen where Peter gets drunk. But I tried my best.


	4. Two geniuses, two supersoldiers, two assassins, and one hyper-active spider-kid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New York is quarantined due to the coronavirus. The inhabitants of Avengers Tower are losing their minds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt from Sophie

“We’re asking everyone to stay indoors unless absolutely necessary,” the reporter said. “Grocery stores will remain open, with modified, reduced hours, as will doctors, hospitals, and some drive-through restaurants. It is highly recommended that you participate in social distancing, and not interact with anyone outside your family. All schools are closed through at least April 14, with the possibility of this date being extended depending on-” 

Clint turned the television off, turning around to face Tony. 

“Great,” he said sarcastically. “Quarantine.” 

“Are you going to stay here, or are you going to go back home?” Natasha asked, entering the room. 

“I’ll stay here for a bit,” Clint shrugged. “Laura said she thought that much could be a good idea, since I’ve been out and about the city quite a bit. I didn’t really take this whole ‘corona-virius’ thing seriously until right about now.” 

“Pete’s said he’s staying here,” Tony added. “His aunt, May, has had some health issues, putting her in the high-risk category, and he doesn’t want to do anything that could endanger her. Of course, we’re all in danger of dying of boredom, but…” 

“This isn’t funny, Tony,” Steve snapped. “People are dying from this. Keep in mind, you’re technically in the high-risk category. Peter said he’s only staying because if he’s got it, he’s already given it to all of you. His aunt hasn’t been exposed at all; all of us have.” 

“Excuse me, I am not old!” Tony said indignantly. “If anyone’s in danger, it’s you, you artefact.” 

“Tony. People 60 or older, newborn babies, and people with health issues are the ones most at risk,” Steve said, his voice sharp. “You have severe heart conditions. If you got this virus, you’d likely die.” 

“Well, way to bring the mood down, Capsicle,” Tony stood and stretched. “I’ve survived worse, I’m not going down because of this stupid virus. Would someone go wake the kid up? It’s almost noon, and we’ve got work to do in the lab.” 

“I’m up, you don’t have to send anyone in,” Peter’s voice said. 

Tony jumped slightly, looking around. 

“Look up,” Peter, Natasha, and Clint said in unison. 

Tony looked up, finding Peter to be sitting cross legged on the ceiling. 

“Jesus Christ, kid,” Tony said. “You couldn’t just walk in like a normal person?” 

“Where’s the fun in that?” Peter backflipped off the ceiling, landing directly in front of Tony. “Can we make some breakfast? I’m starving.” 

**Day One of Quarantine**

“You know,” Peter commented idly. “The corona virus started because some guy in China ate bat soup.” 

“What?” Tony looked up from the Iron Man suit he was tinkering with. “No, it didn’t. Scientists are still trying to determine where it started. Where did you hear that?” 

Peter shrugged. “It’s what all the memes were saying.” 

Tony rolled his eyes. “You need to spend less time on your phone.” 

**Day Two of Quarantine**

Peter laughed loudly, almost falling out of his seat on the couch. 

“Is your kid okay?” Bucky asked quietly. 

Tony shrugged. “I think he’s going a little stir-crazy. I haven’t let him go out, even as Spider-Man. He used to have asthma; even though he doesn’t anymore, I’m not taking any risks.” 

“No, don’t you get it?” Peter was demanding of Steve. “There have been earthquakes in Utah. That’s Kronk, from the Emperor’s New Groove. He’s playing apocalypse bingo.” 

“I’ve never seen The Emperor’s New Groove,” Steve shrugged. “And no, I don’t get it.” 

“Apocalypse bingo!” Peter exclaimed, still waving his phone in Steve’s face. “How do you not get it? You’re like a million years old, you have to have played bingo at some point. Because the world is ending! Come  _ on _ , you fossil,  _ how do you not get it _ ?” 

**Day Three of Quarantine**

“Peter Benjamin Parker, what the  _ fuck _ did you do to my living room?” Tony shouted. 

Peter sat up from his reclined position. “I made a hammock.” 

Indeed, Peter had made a hammock. He was currently lying in it. It was made of webs, and was suspended from the ceiling of the living room, nearly twenty feet in the air. 

“If you turn my tower into some weird Spider-cave, I swear, I will ground you for a month,” Tony threatened, continuing into the kitchen and pouring himself a cup of coffee. 

“How are you going to ground him?” Natasha asked, sipping her own mug. “He already can’t go outside.” 

“I will take away his electronic privileges,” Tony declared. 

“You really want to take away his one source of entertainment right now?” Clint asked, dumping an apple, banana, kiwi, tomato, and onion into a blender. 

“That’s true…” Tony mused, sipping from his mug. He stared at Clint, watching as he poured coffee, Red Bull, and Almond Milk into the blender. “May I ask, what the ever-living  _ fuck _ are you doing?” 

“I’m making a smoothie,” Clint shrugged. “Do you have any raw garlic?

**Day Four of Quarantine**

“I think Bruce may Hulk out just to change things up a bit,” Natasha commented dryly over breakfast. 

“That would be  _ so cool _ !” Peter exclaimed. “Hey, do you think I could take the Hulk in a battle?” 

“No, I am very sure you could not,” Tony said sharply. “And I absolutely forbid you from trying.” 

“Come on, people, it’s only been four days,” Bucky said, exasperated. “It’s really not that bad.” 

“Really?” Tony asked. “Your boyfriend has been over there sketching different types of chairs for the past hour.” 

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Bucky grumbled, glaring down at his pancakes. 

“Sure he’s not,” Peter said, deadpan. “Mr. Bucky White Wolf sir, I have been raised on a steady diet of memes and vine. My gaydar is tuned to perfection, and you two are both giant blips on the map.” 

Tony, Clint, and Natasha stared at him for a moment, before they all broke down laughing. Peter grinned, a little confused, while Bucky almost pouted at his pancakes. Steve did not look up from his sketch of an octopus chair.

**Day Five of Quarantine**

“Peter!” Tony roared, stepping into the living room. “I thought we talked about this!’ 

“We did,” Peter piped up, peeking out from behind a mound of webs. “I mean, sort of. I mean, you talked. A lot. I mostly kind of tuned you out.” 

Peter had turned the living room into some sort of cave. Nearly every surface had webs on it, and there were multiple mounds dangling from the ceiling. Peter appeared to have webbed himself into the corner of the ceiling. 

“What are you doing?” Clint asked, walking into the room balancing ten jars of peanut butter in his arms. 

“I’m waiting to see how long it takes my webbing to dissolve, and if I’ll fall asleep before it does,” Peter informed him. “Also, I want to see what happens if I’m asleep when it dissolves. What are you doing?” 

“I’m making a peanut butter snowman,” Clint informed him. 

“Oh my god, you had better not start before I get down there,” Peter declared. “Mr. Stark, go find my web dissolver. This experiment can wait.” 

“It hasn’t even been a week,” Tony muttered, heading down to the lab for Peter’s web dissolver. “Not even a week, and everyone has already lost their shit.” 

“Excuse me, my shit is perfectly fine,” Natasha snapped, walking by holding a silver platter full of cheese. 

“What are you doing?” Tony sighed, not even sure he wanted to know the answer. 

“Oh, I’m seeing if Steve can find his way through a maze on the first try if I put this at the other end,” Natasha informed him. “Bruce asked me to find out.” 

“Where is Bruce?” Tony asked. “I haven’t seen him since this started. 

“He’s been in his lab, trying to manufacture a cure for the coronavirus,” Natasha said. “At this precise moment, he’s working on a sedative to get Peter to hibernate until this is over.” 

“ _ What _ ?” Tony shrieked, but Natasha had already walked away. 

**Day Six of Quarantine**

“You three!” Tony declared, walking into the kitchen and pointing at Peter, Clint, and Natasha. “I need groceries! Go get them!” 

“Why?” Peter asked, looking up from the fourteenth batch of cookies they’d made . “Don’t you have robots to do that?” 

“You’re all going crazy stuck in here, and it’s driving  _ me _ crazy,” Tony snapped. “Get out of the house. Get me groceries. Go.” 

The three looked at each other, shrugged, and went to go find their shoes. 

-{}-{}-{}-

“What the hell is this?” Tony demanded, entering the living room. 

“Oh, we left the groceries in the kitchen,” Clint responded. “We got everything you asked for.” 

“I know for a fact I did not ask for  _ this _ .” Tony gestured to the room at large. 

“We’re making a fort!” Peter happily supplied. “It’ll be the biggest, coolest fort you’ve ever seen!” 

“Out of  _ toilet paper _ ?” Tony demanded. 

“Yes,” Natasha nodded. “Peter suggested it.” 

“Everyone else was buying toilet paper,” Peter shrugged. “I figured we should, too. Now, Clint, Natasha, let’s get started!” 

In Peter, Natasha, and Clint’s defense, it  _ was _ the biggest, coolest fort Tony had ever seen. Of course, they did have the unfair advantage of the hyper-active spider-kid, but… 

Tony even let them keep it for a few days. 

He did, however, make them return the assortment of voodoo dolls, crystal balls, spellbooks, and various cursed objects that turned up around day 16 of quarantine. 

Bruce never did Hulk out, thank Thor. He and Bucky mostly worked quietly in the lab. 

Steve filled two hundred and thirteen sketchbooks with drawings of chairs. He even built a few. Tony was amused, until he learned the wood came from all the bedframes in the tower. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People, please comment your ideas! I've only got one prompt left, and I'm going a little crazy myself!


End file.
